If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
I'm getting married
To pizza
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
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