She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
If I had your ass I would rule the world
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
