Plan B is the new Plan A
he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
Best friends brother. Beat that.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
Randomize
