First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
Randomize
