Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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