so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Randomize
