I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
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