The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
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