I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Randomize
