My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
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