Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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