If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
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