Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
