I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
