last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
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