I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
Randomize
