elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
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