How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
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