EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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