tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
