It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Randomize
