hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
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