i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
We left the knife in your bed.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Randomize
