You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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