the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
Hello my rib-scented angel!
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Randomize
