Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
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