Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
