Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Randomize
