this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Randomize
