how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Randomize
