please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
bhystjhitsjhtiajielrfrhaug
This is sufficient.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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