I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
