Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
Randomize
