U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
