mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
