i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
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