It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
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