I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
