I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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