yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
