dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Randomize
