nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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