you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
Randomize
