I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
whose ass print is on the piano?
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
