I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
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