nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
She's JV to your varsity
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
My vagina just recognized that song.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Randomize
