Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Randomize
