Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
Randomize
