Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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