Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
