You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
