I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
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