i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
