I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
Randomize
