She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
Randomize
