Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
