I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Randomize
