Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Randomize
