i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Randomize
