is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
Randomize