so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
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