OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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