got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize