Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
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