Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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