i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Randomize