the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Randomize
