I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Randomize
