She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
