There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Randomize
