Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Randomize
