i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize