Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
