Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
