he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Randomize
