There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
Randomize