Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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