Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
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