Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Randomize
