If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
I did not marry a roomba.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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