I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
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