i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
